Children and divorce during the war: how the breakdown of parental relationships affects the mental state of children

War is a difficult test for families. At a time when the level of stress is already increasing, divorce becomes not only a personal pain for parents, but also a psychological test for children. More and more Ukrainian families are forced to separate due to the impact of the war: some are separated due to distance and stress, others due to difficulties in adapting to new conditions. In situations where divorce is inevitable, it is important to understand that the welfare of the children should come first. How can parents support their children during this difficult time?

How divorce affects children of different ages

Children of different ages react to divorce in different ways. The emotional state of the child and his ability to adapt to changes largely depend on how the parents discuss the divorce and react to the situation.

Children up to 5 years old. Children of this age do not yet understand all the complexities of relationships between adults. It is important for them to feel stability and care from both parents. If the parents do not explain the change in the situation to the child, he may feel anxious and guilty, thinking that he is to blame for the divorce.

Children 6-10 years old. At this age, children already understand the importance of family, and divorce becomes a real blow for them. They may think that they could somehow influence the situation, “save” the family. At this age, it is important to provide support and explain that the decision was made by the adults and is not up to the child.

Teenagers 11-18 years old. Adolescence is especially difficult for experiencing divorce, because it is during this period that ideas about relationships and trust are formed. Parental separation can leave a teenager with negative beliefs about relationships if the situation is accompanied by conflict or resentment.

Emotional state of the child during the divorce of the parents

A child, regardless of age, can feel a number of negative emotions during the divorce of parents: fear, confusion, despair, sometimes even aggression. In addition to emotional pain, divorce can also cause physical manifestations of stress: headache, sleep problems, decreased appetite. To avoid long-term negative consequences, it is important that parents provide emotional support to the child, help him express his feelings and not remain indifferent to his needs.

How to talk to a child about divorce

Parents should discuss family events with their children with maximum honesty and delicacy. It is important not to use deception or deception, as they can lead to a loss of trust. The conversation with the child should be accessible for his age. For example, it should be explained to young children that the parents no longer live together, but will still continue to love and care for her. You can talk to teenagers on a level playing field, discussing the issues that led to the breakup, but without going into too much detail that might hurt them.

How to preserve a child’s psychological health during a divorce

Maintaining stability. It is important for the child that the changes do not become too sudden or chaotic. She needs to know that despite the divorce, having two parents remains a stable foundation.

Maintaining contact with both parents. Often after a divorce, one of the parents can distance himself from the child. However, psychologists stress that a child should maintain contact with both parents if it is safe to do so.

Do not involve the child in conflicts. Often, parents, even unconsciously, begin to look for support in the child, transferring their negative emotions onto him. It is important to remember that children should not witness conflicts and quarrels.

Maintain emotional stability. Children often feel guilty about their parents’ divorce. Parents should assure the child that this is an adult decision and it has nothing to do with his behavior.

Give the child the opportunity to be sad. For a child, the divorce of parents often becomes a loss. It is important not to limit her in experiencing sadness or regret, this will help to adapt to new conditions faster.

How to avoid trauma to a child during a divorce

Often, a child is traumatized not because of the fact of divorce itself, but because of conflicts and enmity between the parents. In order to minimize the negative impact on the child, parents should adhere to the following principles:

Avoid making accusations. You should not discuss your partner’s personal mistakes or shortcomings in front of your child. This will help to avoid the formation of a negative attitude towards one of the parents in the child.

Set an example of respect. Even if your relationship with your partner is over, try to show respect. This will be a positive example for the child, which will show him that even in difficult situations it is possible to behave with dignity.

Leave personal conflicts out of the child’s attention. Any disputes regarding finances or other personal information should be resolved between you, without involving the child.

What attitudes does the child receive during the divorce of the parents

Children who have survived parental divorce can learn both positive and negative lessons from this experience. Negative attitudes, as a rule, are formed in cases where a child witnesses conflicts and quarrels. She may grow up believing that close relationships inevitably lead to pain, or that conflicts should be resolved aggressively. At the same time, if the parents show respect and support, the child can learn to resolve conflicts peacefully and with respect for the partner.

Will family therapy help?

Family therapy after divorce can be a useful tool for maintaining a child’s psychological health. This helps to establish communication between parents and child and avoid further conflicts. Experienced professionals will help parents find new ways to cooperate, regardless of the gap. Such therapy will be especially useful for adolescents who need more support for adaptation.

Divorce is a difficult life experience, and its consequences can affect a child’s future. However, with the right approach, parents can minimize the negative impact and provide the child with a stable environment for development. Respect, openness and support are what will help the child cope with difficulties and grow up emotionally stable and able to build healthy relationships in adulthood.