Moving to another country is never a simple event. For an adult, this is a documentary, household and cultural revolution. And for the child, there is deep stress, the loss of the environment in which he first learned to speak, think, and trust. This is the disappearance of the space where a sense of security was formed: a familiar entrance, a neighbor’s dog, a favorite kindergarten, a grandmother nearby, a native language. Everything that seemed stable yesterday becomes the past in an instant, with no right of return. If for an adult this is a stage of intense decisions and worries, then for a child it is sometimes an existential crisis. The war only exacerbated these feelings: Ukrainian children who leave the country with their parents do not always realize the reasons, but physically and emotionally experience this separation. Therefore, parents should be patient and gentle guides to a new, unknown world for their child. We offer you tips that will help your child when moving to another place.
The right to grieve: allow the child to experience the loss
Many children’s first reaction to the news of moving is shock. Some cry immediately, some hide in silence, some react aggressively. But all these reactions are not manifestations of “bad behavior”, but signals of pain. After all, the child loses his usual environment.
Parents should not suppress the child’s emotions, but allow him to express them. Say: “It’s difficult for you, I understand,” “You have the right to miss your friends.” Such recognition relieves internal tension and helps the child not to lock emotions inside.
Even younger children need help recognizing their own feelings: “You’re worried because you don’t know what awaits you,” “You’re angry because you don’t want to say goodbye to your favorite yard.” Saying emotions out loud is half way to accepting them.
Specifics instead of promises: speak honestly and show new things
One of the most dangerous approaches is the creation of illusions: “you will like it there immediately”, “you will quickly find friends”, “the new school will be better”. Such words, although they look reassuring, often drive the child into even greater stress when expectations are not met.
Instead, give your child access to reality. Look at the website of the new school together, show photos of the class, teachers, school yard. Tell her how her day will be organized, how her studies are going. The more accurate and specific, the less room for fear. The child must imagine a new place, not as a threat, but as the next stage of life, even though it is unknown.
Help keep in touch with the past: saying goodbye is important
One of the most painful parts of moving is saying goodbye. Often, parents want to avoid this topic, hoping that “somehow it will pass.” But avoiding saying goodbye does not erase the pain, it only pushes it deeper, where it takes the form of anxiety or even hysteria.
Instead, it is better to make the farewell visible and meaningful. Take a walk with your child in your favorite places, plan farewell meetings with friends, visit relatives. Allow the child to say goodbye to those who are dear to him. It can even be animals, teachers, neighbors. You can take a photo for memory, record a video, create an album of memories.
It is important to say goodbye together: parents, child, the whole family. It gives the process humanity and warmth, not fear.
Let the child choose: her things, her voice, her influence
So that the child does not feel like a passenger in someone else’s life, give him a role in the process of moving. Let her decide which things will go with her and which will stay. Which toy will become the “talisman of the move”, which books or posters will go to the new room.
If there is a favorite sweater or dress, let him wear it on the day of the road – familiar textures and smells help to cope with stress. If the child has favorite goodies, try to take them with you or find analogues in the new country. These little things are actually great anchors of stability at a time when everything else is changing.
Create an image of the new country: not as something “foreign”, but as an adventure space
After the first wave of emotions has subsided, it is worth starting to form a positive perception of a new place. Not in the form of slogans about “a better life”, but as a joint discovery.
Tell us what interesting places are nearby – parks, cafes, museums, zoos. Watch a video about the city together, read books, look for children’s bloggers who live there. If it is a different culture, familiarize yourself with its elements through fairy tales, cartoons, recipes.
Show that the future is not only unknown, but also interesting discoveries. Make a list of new places you want to visit together. Build a map of a new life in your imagination: with adventures, not just changes.
Mode and rituals: give the child soil under his feet
After moving, it is important not only to arrange your life, but also to create predictability. Everything is new for a child. Therefore, it is important to restore familiar daily rituals: morning tea, reading before bed, watching a favorite cartoon at a certain time. This creates an inner sense of stability that does not depend on the country of residence.
Even small things matter: for example, if the old house played music in the morning, turn on the same playlist in the new house. Such rituals help to stitch the past with the present.
Presence and patience: to be there every step of the way
The most important thing is your emotional presence. A child experiences changes more slowly than adults. What for you is logistics and planning, for her is a complex emotional journey. Therefore, it is worth being close not only physically, but also internally: listen, hug, explain, be patient with repeated questions and another “I don’t want”.
Take your time with adaptation – it takes weeks for some, months for others. But next to a loving adult, the child adapts much faster, even if at first it looks like steps backwards.
Tips for adaptation upon arrival
Do not force integration. Give the child time. Don’t force yourself to make friends or admire local traditions right away.
Keep in touch with relatives. Regular video calls with grandparents, correspondence with friends are important. You should not break contact with the past.
Take care of the routine. Breakfast, a walk, time for study, games, sleep – the usual daily routine stabilizes the psychological state.
Follow the signals. If the child is withdrawn, does not speak, loses his appetite or shows aggression – do not ignore it. You should contact a child psychologist.
A child’s life does not reset with a new address. It continues — with new people, impressions, contexts. And whether the new country will become her second home depends on how her parents guide her through this transition. And also – will she be able to preserve herself, despite all the changes around her. Because true support consists in holding hands when these obstacles become part of a new path.
