Connecting two worlds: a military psychologist talked about how civilians can learn to communicate with the military
During the ongoing war in Ukraine, millions of civilians and soldiers found themselves on opposite sides of an experience that radically changes worldview. Part of the society lives in the conditions of the front or the rear close to it, the other part lives in the relative calm of the cities, where the usual everyday logic is preserved. The collision of these realities increasingly gives rise to misunderstanding, alienation, and sometimes outright hostility or silent indifference. Military personnel return home, families face this, and psychologists also work with it. The issue of interaction between civilians and military moves into the sphere of public policy, education, urban infrastructure, language, behavior and basic perception of each other as equal and important.
Oleksandr Forbes Husarov, officer of the Azov brigade and head of the psychological support service for combat operations ponders on the problems that arise in the communication between military and civilians, the peculiarities of psychological adaptation to war and return to peaceful life, as well as on how the psyche works in conditions of constant stress. He shares his experience of working with soldiers, their psychological questions, as well as approaches that can help stabilize the condition of the military and establish a dialogue with society.
Husarov notes that in a country that has been at war for the eleventh year, it is unacceptable to divide people into conditional categories – rear, civilian, military. Most of those currently fighting on the front lines are not military personnel, but came from civilian life. That is why the methodological guide “Language of unity: dialogues of understanding” was created, which should help both civilians who are waiting for their relatives from the war, and military personnel who are returning to a peaceful environment. It contains clear advice on adaptation: how to go from a state of war to a conditionally peaceful one and vice versa. He believes that this transition should take into account the psychological factor of decompression — a decrease in internal tension.
Husarov recalls the US experience in the Vietnam War, when soldiers had intermediate stops for gradual adaptation. In Ukrainian conditions, this transition takes several hours — from Kramatorsk to Kyiv. In such conditions, it is especially difficult to switch from combat tension to peaceful existence. The manual contains recommendations on how to do this, and also describes the phenomena of panic, depressive disorders, post-traumatic syndrome and post-traumatic growth – which is almost not talked about in society, although it allows a person to rethink the experience and find new meanings.
The psychologist talks about a case when, during his vacation, he witnessed the inappropriate behavior of military personnel in a public place. They were annoyed by peaceful people who were vacationing with their children, while they were losing their health and brothers. After a dialogue and a reminder that they went to war precisely so that these people could live peacefully, the military calmed down. He emphasizes that it is important to explain: aggression is a normal reaction, but it must be conscious and directed in a safe direction. During one of the presentations, he heard about bullying at school: children whose parents are not fighting, bully military children. He believes that such situations need to be discussed and worked out, silence is unacceptable here.
Speaking about those who joined the army against their will, Husarov notes that educational work is needed to explain the origins of the war and the history of the country. In “Azov” there is a service of korunzhih – leaders who give lectures, know history, religion and help in this work. He believes that the Russian IPSO and narratives work effectively, and people begin to direct aggression against the state, the military, and the immediate environment, although the real enemy is the one who came with the war. If a bandit broke into one’s own home, no one would run to the neighbors to wait until everything was over – everyone would protect their own. The same applies to the state. In some countries, in particular in Israel, military status is associated with respect, and in our country this respect, which was at the beginning of a full-scale invasion, is weakening over time. In his opinion, Ukrainians are like straw: they ignite quickly, burn brightly, but burn out just as quickly.
He emphasizes that the human psyche is not capable of being under stress for a long time, so some simply push the war out of their psyche, wall themselves off, pretend that it is not there – and this is also a form of defensive reaction. This is the reaction to “freeze”: “I’m not there”, “I’m in the house”. But the reality still breaks through, because the atmosphere of war permeates everyone – even those who have not seen combat operations live, but every day watch the horrors on TV, read about death, see children without arms and legs. This is a traumatic experience that not everyone can cope with.
According to a military psychologist, one of the most frequent requests of our defenders is the experience of losing brothers and the survivor’s syndrome. The peculiarity of the work of a military psychologist is that psychocorrection and therapy must be carried out with great care, preferably in a safe environment. But often it is not about the Ukrainian reality: now their office is located in Kramatorsk, 18 km from the front. In such conditions, the main task is to stabilize the state of the military and return it to the performance of combat tasks. In extreme cases, referral to a rehabilitation center or hospitalization.
Regarding veterans, Gusarov notes that among their requests is the loss of self, identity, especially for those who were at the front without rotations for three years in a row. There are stories where people didn’t have vacations at all. After returning to civilian life, it is difficult for them to adapt, the circle of communication changes, there is a feeling of loss of connection with the previous self. For some, it takes a few days to get enough sleep, and they are already longing to go back to their brothers.
Husarov explains that PTSD is not a necessary consequence of combat experience, but an individual story, it is not a default diagnosis. He emphasizes that it is also worth talking about post-traumatic growth. There are fighters who lose limbs, but find new meanings, change their outlook on life and become happier than many who remain physically intact. One of his wards, who has two high amputations, lives a full life, rejoices every morning – he had a reassessment of his values. However, there are people who break after the first shot. This is normal. But there is also prevention of PTSD — in particular, positive thinking, which allows you not to lose yourself. It is with such requests that veterans who cannot adapt to peaceful life often ask.
Husarov believes that the key factor is the support of the environment. Often, relatives do not know how to talk to the military. But the main thing is not to close. You need to talk, ask, be close. If you don’t know what to say, you can simply ask: how can I help you? What to support? Sometimes it’s just to be silent. But do not turn away. When there is live communication, it helps a person to switch and not get stuck in the past combat experience. War changes people forever, and this should be the basis for a new, deeper understanding between the military and society.
Oleksandr Gusarov notes that despite the fact that there are many stories in the media about support from loved ones — such as military men who are waiting for their families from captivity, how wives help veterans with serious injuries during rehabilitation — in fact, the opposite reality also exists. Families “disintegrate”, especially when people move away. He himself divorced his wife because they had different worldviews. Although relatives try to support him, they come, but they do not understand these realities at all. There must be a desire on both sides to work with this situation. If there is no request for help, you will never help anyone. People must be ready to change something together – a wife who lives in peace or a husband who is at war. Without seeking mutual understanding, without dialogue, nothing will change. Vacation is given twice a year, and on the third or fourth such year, tectonic changes in worldview occur. You get used to living with war, you get used to living in stress. And your family came once, heard shelling – oh, that’s it, we won’t come here again.
Husarov explains that it is necessary to understand: such a problem is not only individual. It’s not about someone being good and someone being bad. This is because these are the realities of life, and you have to learn to live with them, find ways to move forward together. He reminds that in his Instagram post about the presentation of the “Language of unity” manual, he wrote:
“A veteran-oriented country is not pathos, it’s a strategy. Veterans don’t have to “fit in” with peaceful life. It is up to us to change it so that there is a place for them. So that the “hero” sign does not close the “man” request. So that there is dignity instead of pity.”
He explains that a dignified attitude towards veterans should be formed at different levels: both in society in general, among “ordinary citizens”, and at the level of providing public services, social services, at the level of adaptation of urban spaces, infrastructure, and businesses. Relative to 2014, a lot has been done for this, but if you look at it globally, we are not ready for the end of the war, for the return of a million boys and girls. We don’t have that many jobs. All these people have experienced some kind of traumatic experience. Even if conditionally only 30% of the military is directly in the combat zone, all the rest are service personnel, rear positions, staff, doctors, rehabilitation, recovery, finances. However, all the same, these people often know what secondary trauma is like. We should not work with the military and prepare them to return to civilian life, but on the contrary, civilians should understand that it will be different.
The psychologist admits that it hurts him when he returns to Kyiv in uniform, enters some institution and hears how the conversations around him begin to die down, and the evasives begin to climb out of the windows. But he does not condemn them, because they have formed certain stereotypes. They think you’re a dangerous person because you’re in shape. It must be understood that not all military personnel are perfect. If a person was an asshole before he put on the uniform, then this uniform won’t change anything. In addition, there are situations when men wear military uniforms in order to look like soldiers, and behave incorrectly – this is how a false image of a military man is formed. However, most of the military are still people who sacrificed their values and lives. He, for one, has lost many opportunities in civilian life, and he would like that to be met with respect. But when he comes somewhere, on the contrary, he tries to take off his uniform faster precisely because of this global unpreparedness of society for the return of such a large number of veterans.
Husarov emphasizes that if you have learned to live with the fear of death, which is the most critical thing for our body and psyche, then everything else ceases to be a problem. That is why the military is a very cool resource for recruitment, but it needs to be communicated, explained, jobs need to be created so that it does not happen that guys come back and they are not waiting here. His task is that as many of their boys as possible return back with a healthy psyche. And they make maximum efforts for this.
He emphasizes that the training of psychologists, doctors, and teachers should include sections on war, veterans, and return, and that professional humanitarian education should not ignore the reality in which we all live. For example, they held a meeting at the psychology department of the institute in Lutsk – in the eleventh year of the war, there is not a single training unit on working with veterans or military personnel. He was also at the Institute of Psychology of KNU named after Taras Shevchenko: there they train psychologists, psychotherapists, psychoanalysts for five years – and there are no blocks about the war.
Husarov notes that we do not have enough experienced specialists in the field of working with the military. About 40 military psychologists are graduated per year, and only about 15% of them continue their service in the field of “military psychology”. But even young officers, former cadets, when they come to them from the academy, actually don’t know anything — they know military routine: how to write a report, what is a secret service, not a secret service, formation, signalmen. But there is a huge gap in the field of psychology. Therefore, he mostly hires civilian psychologists who are being retrained for the military. If a person has work experience – personal practice, therapy sessions – it is much faster for him to adapt to the direction of military psychology than for a military psychologist to become a practicing therapist.
Husarov notes that they also explored the long-term effects of war and the psychological trauma associated with it on society. They were especially interested in the experience of other countries that have combat experience. At the beginning of the full-scale war, he sought all possible courses, lectures, communicated with specialists from Israel and the USA. It seemed to him that someone was about to come and teach him, tell him how. Because there was a feeling that certain tools and approaches were missing. However, the fact is that they have a different war, a different experience. And they all study with us, but we still live with an inferiority complex.
Husarov says that one cannot forget about state-building factors. In fact, independence was given to us. Only in 2014 did we begin to fight for it and acquire it. And now a human core is crystallizing, which seeks change. It moves: public organizations, charitable foundations, sometimes even the public sector. And it is clear that people are affected by it, they are ready to do something. This is very important. This war shapes our identity and nationality. If you look at the same Israel, which is in a permanent state of war, you can see how the identity, the perception of the people is changing – when the state has the right policy, service in the army always commands great respect. If this is the case with us, there will be fewer evaders.
According to the psychologist, he heard a lot of people talking about veterans, soldiers on vacation: they say, they go on a train, but he already starts drinking right in the compartment, or he locks himself at home when he arrives and drinks. And he explains this by the fact that no one is waiting for him, that no one talks to him. Did you tell anyone about it? Did you explain it to your wife? At least try to do it? Try talking to her. On the other hand, the wife should also be ready to talk about it, she should not brush it off. Because if a person constantly drinks – in this case, he relieves stress, this is the most available method, unfortunately. Therefore, it is very important to take at least some steps towards it: to speak, to ask. We need to accept this reality. It will not be the case that the war will end – and we will all continue to live as we lived. There will be a new challenge for the state — not to lose the resource of the most important people who really invested a lot, did a lot so that we could continue to live in a peaceful country.
