The full-scale invasion of the Russian Federation into Ukraine caused irreparable damage to all spheres of life, touching even such an intimate aspect as love. In conditions of constant stress, experienced losses and attempts to learn to live in a new way, most try to escape from the horrors of war with the help of romantic feelings. But during the war, when the uncertainty of the future becomes a cause of long-term stress, Ukrainians face difficulties that can either strengthen relationships or, on the contrary, completely destroy them.
The impact of war on the ratio of men and women
“According to statistics, there are 9 boys for every 10 girls” are the lines of a well-known song, which have always confirmed the constant shortage of men in society. According to the State Statistics Service of Ukraine, even before the full-scale invasion, there were only 86 men for every 100 women. Of course, the data could change slightly, but in general, it did not significantly affect the situation.
“After the end of the war, the ratio of women to men will be 90-91 men per 100 women. I will explain why. Although more men die in the war, we believe that a significant part of women will not return to Ukraine from abroad after the end of the war, so the disparity will be smaller“, predicts Oleksandr Gladun, deputy director for scientific work of the Institute of Demography and Social Research named after M. V. Ptukh of the National Academy of Sciences.
If the war continues longer, the majority of Ukrainian women will remain abroad. Scientists, taking into account the reproductive age of women, which is an average of 15-49 years, concluded that later there will be 110 men for every 100 women. It is likely that the war will lead to severe demographic consequences for Ukraine. The number of future generations depends on the number of young people and their desire to create families. But, it is obvious that the realities of today do not contribute to this at all. We have a small population aged 25 to 35. And because of the war, there are also serious obstacles to the birth of children. Such a sad situation awaits us in the near future and we will return to the current situation.
The process of mobilization significantly reduced the number of men in cities, and in rural areas it completely devastated the male population. Currently, many men are mobilized, many of them die at the front, a certain number went abroad. Such a situation will by no means contribute to the building of romantic relationships and the creation of families.
“I realized that while the war was going on, I had no time for relationships. Firstly, I am very little in the rear, so it is almost impossible to project any kind of relationship. Secondly, when I am on “leave” from the army, I have a lot of work. Now, being in the army, I can harm, traumatizing a person by the fact of my death. I have seen many people who have had a partner die in war and it has been a deep trauma for them. I wouldn’t want to hurt someone like that”, – says soldier Andriy.
Personal relations during the war
According to the survey of the Ukrainian Internet channel hromadske, 17% of respondents who have a partner reported that they began to quarrel more often. 13% said that they rarely see their loved ones now. Every fifth respondent never found a partner. And how can you find it in such conditions? Women have become anxious and men avoid long-term relationships due to uncertainty about the future.
“People now experience loneliness, there is a desire to be in contact with someone, but due to anxiety states, which can then lead to an apathetic state, people do not have the resources to build these relationships. There were also more clinical cases: anxiety-depressive, anxiety, and depressive disorders. There is more dependence on another person, as well as porn addiction”, – psychologist Kristina Lugovska explains the situation.
But despite all the difficulties, life goes on. So 42% of respondents continue to look for a partner in any convenient situation, and 31% – with the help of online applications. According to the Business of Appss, as of 2023, a total of 349.3 million people worldwide use online dating apps.
Among the potential grooms in online dating applications, you can meet military men, often with prostheses, foreigners working in humanitarian organizations, as well as foreign volunteers who have joined the ranks of the Armed Forces. Veterans looking for a relationship are looking for humanity, care and understanding. However, among them there are many who are afraid of not being accepted as the war made them. Many people, like Andrii, avoid relationships in order not to traumatize another person with their possible death or serious injuries.
What interferes with personal relationships
Often, the formation of romantic relationships is hindered by differences in political views, the language issue, as well as changes in the characters of partners as a result of the war.
“I am looking for just such a person who will share my values and strongly support the language issue”, – says 27-year-old Kyivan Yulia Kovtun, whose grandparents took part in the nationalist movement in the 1940s.
They are looking for couples and soldiers directly at the front. Such a great example is doctor Kateryna Galushka. Despite the loss of a loved one, the girl found the strength to find a new relationship.
“I realized that time is very short, and I don’t want to waste this time. In the army came the realization that love is not always when you are together at home 24/7. Distance and time together are important, but they are not the most important thing. Long-distance relationships exist, the main thing is to be able to talk to each other normally”, – the veteran shares her experience.
The war also complicated the relationships of already formed couples: many families are forced to live separately. Many women claim that their husbands have changed a lot under the influence of the horrors of war. Military personnel often experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The loss of comrades, endless battles, the uncertainty of the future leaves peace, which leads either to isolation or to bursts of aggression. No less trials are experienced by women, because the constant fear for the life of their husband, the uncertainty of the future and the constant struggle for survival leave their heavy imprint on their souls. There are rare cases when wives are not ready to live with disabled people.
Often, war leads to the breakdown of relations. This was indicated by 17% of respondents. According to the Ministry of Justice of Ukraine, the number of divorces increased in 2023 (24,108 registered cases). But the number of marriages, unfortunately, decreased to 18,605 compared to the first year of the full-scale invasion.
Emotional tension often leads to cases of domestic violence.
“In three months of 2024, the number of citizens who committed domestic violence, compared to the same period in 2023, increased by 14.2% “, – brings sadness statistics Deputy Minister of Internal Affairs of Ukraine Bohdan Drapyaty.
Obviously, war causes not only material damage, destroying infrastructure and destabilizing the country’s economy, but also hinders romantic relationships. War forces people apart through forced evacuation and mobilization, and causes the loss of family ties. Constant being under threat and fear of losing loved ones, unemployment and financial instability, social isolation due to disruption of the usual course of life – all this creates heavy psychological pressure and negatively affects relationships. A long-distance relationship is quite a challenge that not everyone can handle. Suspicions and mistrust of each other, mutual complaints become an obstacle to a full-fledged relationship and often cause divorce.
Emotional exhaustion grows, and with it the problem itself. And the resources to solve it are becoming less and less every day. Everyone’s life is different. For some, the trials only hardened the relationship, and for some, love withered, due to betrayal or inability to accept the physical or psychological change in the partner’s condition caused by the war.
However, despite all the difficulties, love still takes place in difficult wartime. And this is evidenced by positive statistics. Yes, 24% of respondents were still lucky to find love, and 52% testify to strengthening feelings. The crisis of love during the war teaches to appreciate each other, forces couples to work on strengthening their closeness and mutual understanding. After all, one should not forget the words of the promise, when the future spouse during the wedding makes a promise to support each other both in grief and in joy. And love will be the flame of hope that will lead you through the terrain of difficulties and help you survive in the most difficult times.
